The Pressman Crime Control Bill of 2023
Anyone reading or watching the news recently would have noticed the many headlines about violent property crimes crime here and nationwide. What many may have missed is the number of embezzlements, bank fraud and other white collar crimes given only glancing mention in the media.
Often the perpetrator of a “front door” bank robbery steals less than $10,000, stands a good chance of being caught and then does significant hard time. On the other hand, the “back door” robber of a bank or business involving a hundred times that amount often gets probation or a short sentence in “Club Fed.” One of the latter in this area was sentenced to a modest term for a crime involving millions, but was released early because his doctor said his life expectancy was less than his remaining term. (He has since outlived that expectancy, but was not sent back to jail.)
What sense does it make to carjack a car or steal a catalytic converter. Do it enough times, and you’ll be caught and do hard time.
One theme of American society is the progression of “New Americans” from violent crime to simply ripping off the system. For example, in Godfather I Vito Corleone makes an “offer which (couldn’t) be refused.” In Godfather II his son Michael moves the family to Vegas where it profits by skimming from casinos. In Godfather III an elderly Don Michael takes over a major European company. While the latter sequel ends with some homicides, they involved only the family.
Wouldn’t our streets be safer if we could rehabilitate violent criminals into white collar criminals? The initial cost to society might be larger because they would steal more, however, long term, the societal cost would be lower because we would not be housing them at expensive prisons. And while white-collar criminals damage society when they steal from charities, businesses and the government, at least no innocent bystander is killed or maimed.
With this in mind, and to do my part in making “America Great Again,” I propose the Pressman Crime Control Bill of 2023 (PCCB). Let’s teach violent criminals to be smarter and less violent. The same guy who was shooting clerks at a 7/11 today, with a little coaching, could be completing phony loan applications within a few months.
The rehabbed crooks could then take a post-graduate course and become CEOs of publicly traded corporations where they could cook the books to increase his bonus. If every potential troublemaker on public transportation was rehabilitated in this manner it would be so safe that no one would think twice about riding at midnight.
The violent criminal rehab industry itself would be a good source of high paying jobs for existing white collar criminals at Club Fed, who could mentor young toughs, and might be a good degree program for a resurrected Trump University. Maybe the two major parties could use the PCCB to begin working together.